THE ORCHESTRA

A viola player dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates he is handed a beautiful new viola and invited to play in the Orchestra of Heaven, a rehearsal of which is about to begin. He enters the hall and beholds the largest orchestra he has ever seen -- 496 violins, 432 violas, 269 cellos, 147 double basses, 18 flutes, 15 clarinets, 12 oboes, 11 bassoons, 8 horns, 6 trumpets, 3 trombones,... and a tuba. He takes his place as the 433rd violist, and then the conductor comes out--and it's God himself. He picks up the baton and begins conducting, and the most wonderful sounds the violist has ever heard come pouring out of the orchestra. Suddenly, God looks right at the new violist, who begins to cower. God leans forward menacingly, points his baton right at the by now terrified violist, and shouts... "Trombones, too loud!"