TOP 12 BUGS IN WINDOWS 2000

12. Every time you hit the space bar, hundreds of Ritz crackers fly out of the CD-ROM drive.

11. The so-called "help" file is really just a collection of lame "Chicken Soup for the Soul" anecdotes.

10. Refuses to install new programs until you've achieved "clear" status.

9. You hit "delete" and the guy in the next cubicle is instantly transported to Albuquerque.

8. In the middle of your fastest game of Minefield yet, the Stephen Hawking office assistant pops up and says, "It looks like you're trying to arrive at a Unified Field Theory. Can I help you?"

7. Incorrect installation of printer drivers launches a nuclear strike against France.

6. Dreaded "Blue Screen of Death" replaced by less fearsome "Hamster Dance Screen of Death."

5. Too easy to win new "Whack-a-Reno" game.

4. Default search options include "Body Cavity Search."

3. Replaces hilarious, intellectual, pithy Top5 list items with crude junior high school humor.

2. Any time you empty the Recycle Bin, NASA loses another Mars Lander.

1. Changes ".gov" domain to ".bite-me" domain every time.