Short Jokes

Father: What did you do today to help your mother?
Son: I dried the dishes
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run ...

Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" The surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, "You see, it pays to be bilingual!"

Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well...yes and no.

"Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"
"No, I'm sorry I don't."
"Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left."

"I was born in California."
"Which part?"
"All of me."

"You look very funny wearing that belt."
"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."

Customer in a restaurant: I would like to have a plate of rice and a piece of fried chicken and a cup of coffee
Waitress : Is it enough Sir?
Customer : What? Do you think I can't buy more?

"Why do you take baths in milk?"
"I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."

Bank Teller: How do you like the money?
English Student: I like it very much.

The real estate agent says, "I have a good, cheap apartment for you."
The man replies, "By the week or by the month?"

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

When I want to teach the colors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:
Phone rings: "Green, green!"
They answer: "Yellow?"
They ask: "White?"
They hang up: "Pink!"
While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone.