Funny Quotes

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Dorothy Parker

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

Charlotte Whitton

My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that's Ok!

Jay Leno

My understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures.

Michael Caine

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

J. Paul Getty

When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

Nick Arnette

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

Sam Ewing

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Rita Rudner

I try to do the right thing with money. Save a dollar here and there, clip some coupons. Buy ten gold chains instead of 20. Four summer homes instead of eight.

L L Cool J

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Stephen Wright

You don't know a women till you've met her in court.

Norman Mailer

A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.

Gloria Steinem

Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.

Sean Williamson

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.

Marcel Achard

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Joel